69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
