yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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