totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
