i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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