P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
