I want you more than these girls want KFC
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
