I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
