if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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