Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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