Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
