1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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