Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
