turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
