Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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