Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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