Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
