How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
