Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
