two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
