:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
