girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
