and you said cock pushups were impossible
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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