Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
