Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
