I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize