Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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