she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
