What did we do last night that was yellow?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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