Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
