So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
