I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
