What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
