Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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