and i looked up. we had an audience...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
