so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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