I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize