They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
