At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
