And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
