ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
