Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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