In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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