I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
