i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize