he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
