I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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