Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
