I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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