I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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