Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
