If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
