I've blown a few things in my day
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
