Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
