He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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