Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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