$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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