I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
