he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
