I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Houston, we have a squirter
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
