Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
