so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i think i just lost a toe
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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