We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
