the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
