Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
