I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
