If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
