I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
