i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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