I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
