I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
